we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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