Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
