she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
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