i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
