Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
