We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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