I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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