I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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