you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
