So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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