Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize