Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
