how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
