I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
