I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
