Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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