He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
