so that wasnt chicken after all
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
