I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
