He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
