he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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