buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
