Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
