Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize