its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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