Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the day after is always just damage control
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
