Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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