There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
