She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
