You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize