What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
