I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
