john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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