You work out of a Hotel?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
