Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
