I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
