you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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