Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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