either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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