There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just pee around me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
