hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
