Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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