so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
