I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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