I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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