are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
