You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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