when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
