i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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