so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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