please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
