Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
