I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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