shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
