Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
