who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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