His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
