dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
