Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
