Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
