Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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