Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
