This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
