A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize