I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
