I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
