I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
